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Dating Advice: 5 Biggest Internet Dating Mistakes

Dating is a social activity which involves two or more people generally assessing each other’s suitability for a potential relationship. Dating can also be enjoyed as part of an already active relationship. The word “Dating” actually comes from the arranging of a time and “date” of meeting.

Dates, in many traditional cultures, are arranged by third-parties (such as a family member or a close friend) or dedicated dating agencies. In modern western culture, however, this process has been relaxed and it’s up to the partners to arrange something.

Must read: Ultimate guide on fear of rejection in dating

Dating usually involves money, traditionally it was up to the male partner to pay for the dates, however it is becoming more common for each party to share the costs. This is known as “Going Dutch”. Dates can involve going the movies or for a meal.

There are many different types of dating, such as:

  • A standard date; this involves two people
  • A double date; this is where two couples go on a date at the same time and location
  • Group date; where any number of couples can enjoy a date
  • Blind date; this is where the participants have never met personally before. These are arranged by a third party or a dedicated dating agency
  • Speed dating; this is where groups of individuals go to a dedicated place with lots of other individuals and have short “dates” with each other. During this type of dating the participants generally only have time to find out the basic details about the other partner. Participants can often have “dates” with as many as 50 people in one night.

Dating can also have different meanings for individuals. For example in teenage culture dating can mean individuals spending lots of time together, away from the usual social groups, which can eventually become an “exclusive partnership”.

Dating can often be initiated via peer pressure or attention seeking by one or more of the partners. During the dates issues such as misreading of one partners commitment can occur or often partners may try to make themselves “look better”, perhaps via lying. Issues like this can lead to seduction, time wasting or most severely date rape.

There is also an increase in “casual relationships” opposed to dating; these are setup purely for the partners to engage in sexual relationship, without the need for commitment or dating. The internet and changing social attitudes has led to this.

Dating Online Services – The In’s And Out’s Of Dating Online

Online dating services are hitting the jackpot these days. While other internet business are floundering, dating online services have a noted increase in number of users and customers.  There are more than 700 dating online services in the United States alone and new sites are cropping up weekly.

This phenomenon could be partially attributed to the fact that more and more singles are getting online due to the accessibility of internet. And they are looking to the internet for solutions to their loneliness problems. Single adults these days are often juggling two jobs a day barely having time to socialize with people there age. Suffice it to say, dating online services provide a number of solutions to today’s single adults dating woes.

Taking some time in choosing could greatly improve your chances of choosing a quality dating online services site, one that gives you the best possible odds of finding love online. The following are the features offered by dating online services:

Physical Attraction Matching Allow you to select matches that fit your physical ideal.

Personality Matching. Some dating online services provide members with an in-depth view of their personality strengths and weaknesses.

Photo Gallery / Search. This dating online services feature allows you to view a group of photos to find those that fit your visual ideal.

Best Features. This feature of dating online services lets you state your most attractive quality and select matches according to your criteria.

Favorites. This dating online services feature lets you save your favorite matches so you can find them later.

Video Profiles. Technology is in place on the dating site to let you post video of yourself. These profiles allow you to describe yourself over a video to provide a live representation of yourself. Live video conferencing is on the way for some dating sites.

Voice Greetings / Messages. This is another dating online services option to personalize your profile. Voice greetings and messages give others the opportunity to hear your voice without committing to speak to you.

Email Notifications (Real Time). Delivers email notifications real-time when someone wants to chat with you. It allows you to enter a live chat session whenever you are online, not just from the dating site. Some sites don’t send the message that you have a flirt or message waiting except at a specific time of day, so real-time updates are an asset to look for.

Online Chat / Instant Message. Allows you to chat using instant messaging windows on the dating site. You can chat without revealing your personal information.

Criminal Background Check This important feature screens all members for any past criminal activity. It helps reduce dating risks for members.

Must read: Ultimate guide on fear of rejection in dating

Advantages to Online Dating

A quick foray into a bar or a nightclub reveals some of the major shortcomings of looking for romance in such places.  A combination of booming bass and shrieking laughter bombards you aurally, while a potent mix of cigarette smoke and spilt beer assails your olfactory senses.

Eventually, amidst the human chaos of the locale, a figure from the opposite side of the room piques your interest.  You fight your way through the crowd in the general direction of him/her and suddenly find yourself screaming in their ear because of the aforementioned noisy surroundings.

The best case finds you exchanging hastily-scrawled phone numbers with the other person or following them out the door, while the worst case finds you feeling rejected and dejected.

Even the “middle” options are less than desirable; often, the person that attracted you physically does not do the same mentally or emotionally, and you’re stuck at an impasse with a minimum of things to talk about.

The truth is that dating in the traditional sense and settings is a distinctly hit-or-miss affair, and a largely impersonal one at that.  You find yourself drawn to another person not because of their intellect or their personality but rather because they are physically attractive.

As anybody who has lived and loved can attest, meaningful relationships are not built solely on the foundation of physical attraction.  You don’t know the person at the other end of the bar from a stranger, however, and thus you have no idea if their beauty is in fact skin deep.

Furthermore, even an indication that there is something else beneath the surface is hardly cause for relaxation; given the uncertainty of the other party’s history, there is no telling what sort of baggage you might be leaving with.

Online dating offers solutions to these problems in many cases.  For one thing, instigating romantic contact online markedly increases in your favor the odds that the other party is interested.  Think about it:  How many times have you browsed online classifieds without the barest trace of purpose or desire?

Having a receptive partner is half of the battle in itself.  Beyond that, online dating increases the likelihood of finding something beyond the initial attraction to sustain prolonged interest.

That’s not to say that physical attraction plays no role in online dating; photos are often associated with online personals, and as in life the most powerful impulses are often the visceral ones.

However, the pace of online dating allows you to find out a bit more about the other party than you would be able to in a different setting.  By the time you read their personal ad and their writing and (hopefully) exchange correspondence with them once or twice, you will probably have a decent idea as to whether the other person is the type that you would like to continue contact with.

If no, it is an easy affair to cease contact since neither party is intimately involved.  If yes, however, the base for a successful relationship has already been laid by communication.

Suffice it to say, online dating today has lost its “taboo” status.  Rather, it represents a viable alternative to those singles who are tired of continually finding the wrong person in the wrong environment.

Dating Advice: 5 Biggest Internet Dating Mistakes

Dating, especially  after a divorce is tough. You don’t quite know where to start so here are a few internet dating mistakes and their solutions.

  • Too much too soon

So you have been ploughing through those endless profiles on your internet dating site and have come up with someone who interests you.   There has been an exchange of emails.

He sounds fun and witty and you begin to look forward to his messages.  You find yourself getting up earlier in the morning just to log on whilst you drink your coffee to see if he has sent a response to your latest remarks.

During the day you compile witty replies in your head and suggestive lines to throw his way.   This has gone on for a couple of weeks and he suddenly asks if he can call you.   Your chest expands; you are really excited and arrange a time.

Now you are curled up in your favorite chair waiting for the call.   Guess what it goes well, the same light banter, his voice is not what you expect but that is OK.  You talk for an hour.   This becomes a daily ritual which you begin to plan your time around. And then he invites you to dinner…

  • Throwing money at it

It has been a while since someone invited you out to dinner (you may be just starting dating after your divorce).   Your immediate thought is what to wear, need my hair done etc. This means that you spend the best part of a week running around with the one thought in your mind “I must get this right”.

You seem to have disappeared and you feel that you need to invent a new person to go on this date.  In order to be that person you have to package yourself in some particular way. There must be some key that you can find, a particular dress, new haircut etc. You believe that you need to make yourself more appealing.

  • Thinking that you know the person

The evening has arrived and you meet at the arranged restaurant (good step, as all the dating advice recommends that you meet in a public place). You are especially nervous and excited but also slightly uncomfortable because the shoes are new and you feel a bit wobbly in them.

It is strange you recognize this person but at the same time you don’t.  The voice you know that but he does not look like the person in the photograph, taller, shorter a bit heavier or gangly, something is not as you imagined.

Anyway he seems quite at ease but maybe that is just a contrast to how you are feeling.   Initially conversation is going well as there are points of contact from your previous conversations but it isn’t going anywhere.  By the main course you are starting to drink a little too much to fill in the silences.

Your feet really hurt now and you are taking surreptitious glances at your watch – only 9 o’clock.  No dessert thanks and by the way you have an early start in the office tomorrow so you have to go soon.  Can’t think of anything but getting out of the shoes.   Yes it was good, do call me…

  • Fantasy – it’s only in your head

Next day or later in the week, the emails/calls are still coming and you continue to respond.  It’s as though you have never met and you can get on with the easy going repartee that has become almost a habit.

In your mind he is something you want him to be, well not quite but you can have yourself believe that he is whilst you exchange messages and late night calls.  You are starting to develop a whole life in your head around this person, you imagine where you can live with him, what you will do, holidays together in fact everything you ever want with someone.

This is taking up a lot of head space but that is enjoyable in itself, you feel connected to someone if only in your mind.

  • Not paying attention to the signals

A week or so more and you are becoming slightly irritated by the emails and are not responding quite so readily.  But he asks you if you want to come out for another evening and that heart leaps to your throat again.

You agree even though there is a vague memory of discomfort from th first meeting.   Well you remind yourself that all the dating advice recommends that it is about getting to know someone.

I can’t expect to feel comfortable about everything immediately.    He is suggesting dinner again, you don’t really want to but you are not sure what you want to do so you go along with it.  You had arranged to see a girl-friend that night but you tell her you can’t make it, she seems a bit put-out but you put that thought aside.

Dating Advice: You Have To Make a Woman Get Attracted to you

You can buy a woman flowers for the next ten years and it won’t matter unless you make her FEEL an attraction to you. Women don’t care how things work; they care how things make them feel. In all of the romance novels and soap operas women have been devouring since they were kids, the leading males are always untamable, strong men who sweep women off their feet.

This is the quality that many “jerks” have. Women don’t like the fact that the guy is actually a jerk – it’s just that jerks have a tendency to have more of this primal, uncontrollable dominance that the weaker, “nice” guys don’t have. The sweet guy thing works only when a woman is in desperate need of attention. It can work with some women, but it will only temporarily keep her happy.

They can’t help it fellas. They are simply responding to Mother Nature. Estrogen is a drug that induces feeling. It makes women want and need to feel everything. Testosterone is a hormone of aggression/achievement and dominance. The sooner we realize and accept these facts, the easier time we’ll have understanding the dating world.

Summary

Online dating services are hitting the jackpot these days. While other internet business are floundering, dating online services have a noted increase in number of users and customers. So feel free to get out there and have any dating and relationships that fit in with your life as a successful single.  Know what your requirements, needs and wants are and look for someone who can meet them. Happy Dating Everyone!

 

 

 

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1 Comment

Henry G. October 18, 2018 at 9:13 am

Oops!
You some points up there. A divorcee I met online is finding it very difficult to mingle with me, I had to hide all the way it works, and gave her the result.

I showed intense care and concern. Now I have her all to myself. It’s just beyond mere flowers like you said.

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